botteling up....

all the daring thoughts...
that comes to my mind...right here...right now
to be written down...to be expressed freely...
scrolled up and sealed...
in a bottle...
just like that...
cork tightened...
i vow to be thrown away...
out into the blue green ocean...
as far as the eye can see...

one day just as it might find another shore...
where another as me...
open it..
and all of it rewinds...
just as it happened...
just as now...

Time of your life......

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road,
Time grabs you by the wrist, Directs you where to go,
So make the best of this test, And don't ask why,
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time,
It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right,
I hope you had the time of your life....

So take the photographs, And still-frames in your mind,
hang it on a shelf,In good health and good time,
tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial,
for what it's worth, it was worth all the while,
It's something unpredictable but in the end it's right,
I hope you had the time of your life......

it's something unpredictable but in the end it's right,
I hope you had the time of your life..........

I, a mystery to be solved.....

I, the word itself could mean a lot... just a one letter consisting of a name, an age defined by time counted by years, months and days, a living being with a soul, a story to be told by the next generation to come....

I, the word itself is a mystery.....a mystery that 'I' want someone to solve....and tell me the meaning of 'I'....for 'I' wish to be defined....found out by clues...sought out by the one to solve the mystery of 'I'.....as 'I' still linger here as 'I'......

frustrated.....

As for now after the big event which was a great success due to many efforts from a team of incredible talent i sit here rethinking of it all.....

I still cant understand how tiny little men running around killing each other on a screen can be so thrilling....all the blood that's spilled on screen does not make anything better...yet how people are enchanted and only thing in mind is winning....yet i was curious enough to try it out myself...to tell the truth i enjoyed it more than i wanted to....and had to admit to a certain arrogant person that he was right....arghh....now we humans do not like to admit we were ever wrong now, do we?

The next frustration i came across is not new to me....i again entered the cycle of wondering "why is he here?? is he with friends??? why did he bother to turn up anyway??? he's not even great friends with the team....cyber games is not his thing anyway....etc etc..." endless questions and arriving at absurd conclusions and tiring myself for no reason.... but the new me knows better... the new me does not give a damn anymore.......

The obsession of starry eyes...yes that's a bit more frustrating than i expected...is it just an obsession??? still cant find an answer...

yet the world spins around me....but me??? am i stuck in one place??? if anyone can find an answer ill be forever grateful... yet im smiling the secret smile for i have hope....surely oneday we'll all be ok???

fingers crossed....

starry eyes
over and out...

August Rush........

The rush of the wind........the sweet harmonica played.....every sound drawing you closer to where you belong....the wind chimes swaying to the sound of the wind.....the chills it gives you....tingles starting from the toes spreading through the soul....the sensation and the feeling of ecstasy.......

well i call it the "august rush".....music is everywhere, as long as you stop to listen.....

yes i do believe life is all music....full of it....major scales and minor scales....quavers and semi quavers to spice it all up....sharps and flats to stir it up....... sometimes a soprano...sometimes a dull note...whatever it is you know you are free....on cloud number nine as some say...

hmmm....what im trying to say maybe is that august was full of it....every single day was a song played by the wind....so many good byes....so many sighing....so many sleepless nights of thinking life will ever be the same again....but yet so many more to come....so many more to say....so much to look forward to....am i being too naive????

yet its a rush....a rush of emotions which cannot be described...yet so exciting....i again call it the "August Rush"

perhaps BI would agree with me??? ;)

Back to the land of blogs...

Hey mind you i do have one more paper to study for...
oh well, just thought of getting back after visiting the land of Narnians...
and loosing the wallet on the way and finding it back..
(i was scared to death but my greatest quality on not showing emotions got the best of me)
oh...and breaking a slipper just before the exam and walking around in university premises...one on,one off....
looking for the shoe guy on the road who is forever there but not there when you actually want him to be there....
asking for a dear friend to bring slippers for me....but managing to pin it back somehow...
ice cream just to get off the rain and "hey too bad boy!!!you are not getting a tip just because you served us extra scoops...haaa!!! we did NOT ask for it!!!!" (oops...more like we are broke and was almost robbed so don't have enough money to pay for it...sorry)
and yes!!! finally ending one of those days...one that might be on your mind for a long time....free bus ride back home...(Not that we winked at the conductor or threatened him with a bomb...simply we couldn't find him...)
now how extraordinary is that???? ;)
It has been too long....good to be back...

Shadows in purple tiaras.

Shadows of the bright sunlit day...
haunting me for almost from the moment it started...
The day i walked in...
all i saw was the shadows walking past me,
pretending not to see I was there
(whereas all those cynical,sex crazed eyes were on me...weighing...measuring...analyzing...)
They made me feel disgusted about myself...
disgraced me of who I was....
degraded me only because I was born this way....
only to make me feel empty & sorry for myself...
just so that i will wallow in self pity...
in order to seek out help from a 'higher being'...
a stronger version of a shadow...
so that the shadow can shine through his eternal flame of glory...
and conquer the shameful world they live in...
(survival of the fittest?? or is it more the survival of the pettiness??)
To glorify that he is the king-to-be....
Almost a shadow in a purple tiara,
fame, power and honour...
who think they have the right to control me, my thoughts, my sanity...
a throne seek ed out by all shadows...
just to show that they are the god given gifts to the world...
the real thing with the right mind to change the world...

but once the sun goes down...shadows disappear....
darkness overcomes the misery and the emptiness...
till a new day begins...
where the sun shines throughout the day...
where me and only me stands alone...
smiling to myself...
that I was smart enough...
never to choose a shadow to be my guardian..
never to let them reach out to me and grab my soul....
never to choose to be a shadow in a purple tiara...

Wicked Words...;)

"Because I told you, you would look to regret it,
and now I don't wanna make you feel bad,
But when it comes to me just forget it,
I'll be the best you never had,
You put me through so many emotions,
Now baby it's your turn for that,
'cause in your empty heart I left a mark,
The best you never had."

Ok so now that im tagged...here i go..

THE list of 'SMILES'

1. 'My' family...highly dysfunctional, yet its 'My'.
2. Adoring doggy stare.
3. The distant voices that keep me sane...wink*
4. The starry brown eyes...an obsession...i know... i know...
5. Any book readable...movies...
6. Definitely music that keeps me awake all night long...
7. church,the choir, the Christmas spirit, Easter eggs (too bad we don't have them)
8. Beet root.
9. shopping for nothing...
10. everything that brings a smile to my face...

:D

The heart wants it all.....

The first glance,
The warmest smile,
The twinkle in the eye,
The battering of lashes,
The butterflies in the stomach,
The tinkles in the toes,
The crinkling up of the nose,
The brightening of the day,
The sweetest welcome 'hey you!"
The bumping on to one another,
The secret grin,The knowing nod,
The slightest of touch,just a brush up,
The wonder and the confusion of thinking 'was it for real?'
The lost for words for the simplest of answers,
The anger for ignorance and carelessness.
The attitude given,
The resistance not to yell 'arghhh....What a brat!What am i thinking!'
The patience to wait for the right moment and the right time,
The complexities and the hurt of the outcome,
The never ending arguments and misunderstandings,
The feeling of banging the head on a wall for repeating the same mistake over and over again,
The sleepless nights possibly expected....

Yet the heart wants it all! all of it!!! Yet again and again...

blissfully ignorant will laugh at me but still would say 'i want it all too...yet again' ;)

A distant voice to keep you sane...

Guess I'll miss you....truly.....how pathetic......
& it's not like its the end of days or anything...
sheesh....how lame can i be????
I think there will be more important people who might want to write more serious note......
for you...
people who love you,care for you....
& i don't think you want to get all teary & emotional...at least not with me...oh no....i don't think so........
that wont make a pretty picture...
i think you want me to be more solid..more down to earth so that you can count on me to keep your head straight....
not to lift up the heavy weight off your shoulders...but to help you carry it...
Hey! i think i can do that!
Don't worry! for your sake, for the sake of days you made me laugh when all i wanted to do was crawl up and die.....
Yeah! you'll be surprised.....
even you didn't know i felt that way...
There you go! now you know it!
now you know we are all a mess...
a mess not easy of cleaning up!
I know that will make you grateful for what i am to you,
Just another 'distant voice' in your heart to keep you sane!
where ever you may be....:)

"yohoooo....my guardian angel??? where the hell are you???"

please god,

send me back my guardian angel...
where did you send him off to??? I'm pleading here....
didn't he hear my cry of desperation??? didn't he hear the 'thud'???
how insensitive....
and they say we are all 'touched by an angel'....
did you assign him to someone else??? someone who's more in need of him than me???
Then that's OK...
I'm a big girl...
i can take care of myself....
just that sometimes i need him to be there for me....
can i come to an agreement with him and make him look after me in a sharing basis???

please god...can i???
amen

Never ever fall in love with the enemy.

Never ever have i wished for more of a happier ending....
Never ever have i wondered so much 'why did it have to happen?'
Never ever have i badly wanted to rewrite the whole story...
Never ever have i wanted to strangle the idiot who calls himself a 'script writer'...

Never ever have i wept like a child,like this, like that on a day similar,ordinary....just as today.

A gangster amazingly in love,betrayed but yet with faith in her...unaltered,unscratched,unbeaten...yet she was the enemy...his only real enemy....

A woman, incredibly gorgeous, yet a sinful coward....sigh...just another human...another weakling who just didn't see what she had right in front of her eyes....

A traitor,a vulture,a hypocrite with every right for his incoming fate...born with a one way ticket to hell...

A love story....yaaa right!!!!!

Somehow they've managed to be stamped in my heart....forever...scaryyyy....veryyyy scary...

Who would have thought a stupid Sunday night movie might have such an impact??? sigh...

Starry brown eyes.

Starry brown eyes,
gazing into my soul,
trying to whisper a secret,
filled with laughter,joy and hope.
Sharing the pain and the hurt,
Searching for the love that was lost.

Starry brown eyes,
twinkling and sparkling,
Promising all wonders and miracles,
gliding through the clouds,
following a rainbow,
breezing through the misty wind,
Trying to out do the flying eagle,
Reaching out into the thin red skyline,
Where the sunsets into the blue green ocean,
the jellyfish lingers and the dolphin showing the way.

To the moment in place where the time stands still,
when 'starry brown eyes'
graciously locked within me.

Freedom to Realize.

"If you just realized,what i just realized,Then we'd be perfect for each other and never find another"

Realization:Comes out of the blue and hit one on the head with a 'bang!' with the final piece to the puzzle falling into the right place. That's one's definition of realization.

Realizing what one could have done in the past and might have made a change leads to regret. Realizing what one could have forgotten and forgiven but never made the effort to do so leads to sadness. Realizing the joy one had when one was a child, the memories of everlasting happiness leads to unbearable ecstasy.

Realizing all the things one can do, all the possibilities and impossibilities leads to hope. Realizing the weaknesses and the tearful moments intolerable,unbearable and the times one spent agitated and in great distress leads to courage,strength and wisdom to achieve only the best.

Realizing at one point in life whats done is done and everything happens for a reason leads to finalization and coming to terms with life with just the way it is and accepting the things the way they are.

Realizing leads to peace of mind and relaxation where only one can heave a sigh of relief and smile a knowing smile when others around him will stare at him thinking that one is a fool to grin alone.Realizing the fact that one is glad to be that person will lead to satisfaction and great sense of relief.

Realizing god has made one person just to be around one, and just to see that person smile, to annoy and to argue, to dance and to sing along with will make one jump high up in the clouds and yell from top of his lungs that he's on top of the world.

Freedom to realize will be one's salvation in a never ending tunnel of darkness filled with webs of complications and a maze of disorder in the form of a little shining light in the faraway distance.