Wicked Words...;)

"Because I told you, you would look to regret it,
and now I don't wanna make you feel bad,
But when it comes to me just forget it,
I'll be the best you never had,
You put me through so many emotions,
Now baby it's your turn for that,
'cause in your empty heart I left a mark,
The best you never had."

Ok so now that im tagged...here i go..

THE list of 'SMILES'

1. 'My' family...highly dysfunctional, yet its 'My'.
2. Adoring doggy stare.
3. The distant voices that keep me sane...wink*
4. The starry brown eyes...an obsession...i know... i know...
5. Any book readable...movies...
6. Definitely music that keeps me awake all night long...
7. church,the choir, the Christmas spirit, Easter eggs (too bad we don't have them)
8. Beet root.
9. shopping for nothing...
10. everything that brings a smile to my face...

:D

The heart wants it all.....

The first glance,
The warmest smile,
The twinkle in the eye,
The battering of lashes,
The butterflies in the stomach,
The tinkles in the toes,
The crinkling up of the nose,
The brightening of the day,
The sweetest welcome 'hey you!"
The bumping on to one another,
The secret grin,The knowing nod,
The slightest of touch,just a brush up,
The wonder and the confusion of thinking 'was it for real?'
The lost for words for the simplest of answers,
The anger for ignorance and carelessness.
The attitude given,
The resistance not to yell 'arghhh....What a brat!What am i thinking!'
The patience to wait for the right moment and the right time,
The complexities and the hurt of the outcome,
The never ending arguments and misunderstandings,
The feeling of banging the head on a wall for repeating the same mistake over and over again,
The sleepless nights possibly expected....

Yet the heart wants it all! all of it!!! Yet again and again...

blissfully ignorant will laugh at me but still would say 'i want it all too...yet again' ;)

A distant voice to keep you sane...

Guess I'll miss you....truly.....how pathetic......
& it's not like its the end of days or anything...
sheesh....how lame can i be????
I think there will be more important people who might want to write more serious note......
for you...
people who love you,care for you....
& i don't think you want to get all teary & emotional...at least not with me...oh no....i don't think so........
that wont make a pretty picture...
i think you want me to be more solid..more down to earth so that you can count on me to keep your head straight....
not to lift up the heavy weight off your shoulders...but to help you carry it...
Hey! i think i can do that!
Don't worry! for your sake, for the sake of days you made me laugh when all i wanted to do was crawl up and die.....
Yeah! you'll be surprised.....
even you didn't know i felt that way...
There you go! now you know it!
now you know we are all a mess...
a mess not easy of cleaning up!
I know that will make you grateful for what i am to you,
Just another 'distant voice' in your heart to keep you sane!
where ever you may be....:)

"yohoooo....my guardian angel??? where the hell are you???"

please god,

send me back my guardian angel...
where did you send him off to??? I'm pleading here....
didn't he hear my cry of desperation??? didn't he hear the 'thud'???
how insensitive....
and they say we are all 'touched by an angel'....
did you assign him to someone else??? someone who's more in need of him than me???
Then that's OK...
I'm a big girl...
i can take care of myself....
just that sometimes i need him to be there for me....
can i come to an agreement with him and make him look after me in a sharing basis???

please god...can i???
amen

Never ever fall in love with the enemy.

Never ever have i wished for more of a happier ending....
Never ever have i wondered so much 'why did it have to happen?'
Never ever have i badly wanted to rewrite the whole story...
Never ever have i wanted to strangle the idiot who calls himself a 'script writer'...

Never ever have i wept like a child,like this, like that on a day similar,ordinary....just as today.

A gangster amazingly in love,betrayed but yet with faith in her...unaltered,unscratched,unbeaten...yet she was the enemy...his only real enemy....

A woman, incredibly gorgeous, yet a sinful coward....sigh...just another human...another weakling who just didn't see what she had right in front of her eyes....

A traitor,a vulture,a hypocrite with every right for his incoming fate...born with a one way ticket to hell...

A love story....yaaa right!!!!!

Somehow they've managed to be stamped in my heart....forever...scaryyyy....veryyyy scary...

Who would have thought a stupid Sunday night movie might have such an impact??? sigh...

Starry brown eyes.

Starry brown eyes,
gazing into my soul,
trying to whisper a secret,
filled with laughter,joy and hope.
Sharing the pain and the hurt,
Searching for the love that was lost.

Starry brown eyes,
twinkling and sparkling,
Promising all wonders and miracles,
gliding through the clouds,
following a rainbow,
breezing through the misty wind,
Trying to out do the flying eagle,
Reaching out into the thin red skyline,
Where the sunsets into the blue green ocean,
the jellyfish lingers and the dolphin showing the way.

To the moment in place where the time stands still,
when 'starry brown eyes'
graciously locked within me.

Freedom to Realize.

"If you just realized,what i just realized,Then we'd be perfect for each other and never find another"

Realization:Comes out of the blue and hit one on the head with a 'bang!' with the final piece to the puzzle falling into the right place. That's one's definition of realization.

Realizing what one could have done in the past and might have made a change leads to regret. Realizing what one could have forgotten and forgiven but never made the effort to do so leads to sadness. Realizing the joy one had when one was a child, the memories of everlasting happiness leads to unbearable ecstasy.

Realizing all the things one can do, all the possibilities and impossibilities leads to hope. Realizing the weaknesses and the tearful moments intolerable,unbearable and the times one spent agitated and in great distress leads to courage,strength and wisdom to achieve only the best.

Realizing at one point in life whats done is done and everything happens for a reason leads to finalization and coming to terms with life with just the way it is and accepting the things the way they are.

Realizing leads to peace of mind and relaxation where only one can heave a sigh of relief and smile a knowing smile when others around him will stare at him thinking that one is a fool to grin alone.Realizing the fact that one is glad to be that person will lead to satisfaction and great sense of relief.

Realizing god has made one person just to be around one, and just to see that person smile, to annoy and to argue, to dance and to sing along with will make one jump high up in the clouds and yell from top of his lungs that he's on top of the world.

Freedom to realize will be one's salvation in a never ending tunnel of darkness filled with webs of complications and a maze of disorder in the form of a little shining light in the faraway distance.